On the opening day of DESERTERS, April 3, 2025, I delivered a live performance and artist talk titled "A State of Bared" at the Oriel y Bont Gallery on the South of Wales University at Treforest, Pontypridd Campus, Wales, to explore the key themes of DESERTS in terms of how a life changing sickness is a commonality that connects many artists' otherwise disparate practices across decades, genres and lifetimes*. Furthermore, I wanted to provide answers to what DESERTERS asks : "What is the relationship between illness and creation? 'Good health' has obvious merit—but what about the value of 'ill health'?" As I have had a personal career in the field of illness and disability alongside my artistic work, the two curators, Bella Kerr and Caroline Humphreys, asked if the artist talk and live performance could focus specifically on my art in relation to my personal mental health and hearing problems.
The artist talk, in particular, was mentally one of the most demanding I've ever given, so it was somewhat different from typical artist talks. Although it took a long time to prepare, throughout the process and even during the talk itself, I began to look at my art and the disciplines I work in with different eyes. To date, there isn't a single piece of my artwork that directly addresses or focuses on my personal disabilities and illnesses. For most of my life, I tried to hide my health issues, but it was only in the last two years that I became more open about my so-called "deficits." However, as I was selecting images of my work for the talk, I suddenly realized that many of my works metaphorically and covertly reflect my current health issues. These are related to my sometimes severe mental health issues, my hearing problems, and finally, a cancer diagnosis and treatment many years ago, from which I have since recovered.
I have also thought about how the audience would react to the performance, and especially to my talk, which was a revelation for me. However, I felt I had to speak honestly about my often dark and intense inner conflicts, my hallucinations, and the voices I hear; otherwise, the talk and performance would be pointless. But the reaction of the audience and the other exhibiting artists, each of whom had their own severe illness or disability, touched me very deeply in the end.
I, often hesitate to call myself an artist, nor do I feel a deep connection to the art world because I often maintain a distance from it. While I doubt that art can be therapy to save the world or society, or a panacea, it can be a means to overcome personal problems, avoid tunnel visions, and try to move on. In my case, it was and is also a medium for connecting with and coping with my social and everyday environment. However, I can only speak from my personal perspective, as every person and every health problem is different. Art, whether visual art, dance, theater, or music, can open a person's perspective. Important: You don't have to be an artist or feel compelled to create a masterpiece like Picasso or Michelangelo. Just do it, and it will open new horizons. Finally, based on my personal experience, I would like to offer only one piece of advice, especially regarding mental health issues and personal disorders: If you are suffering from them, seek help and therapy. Do not hesitate or wait.
